making friends for eternity

The most wonderful truth in the world, the most amazing truth in the world, the most marvelous truth in the world is this: God wants to have a relationship with me. That is almost too inconceivable to believe – that God would want a relationship with me.

We were made to be friends of God. The Bible says that you were created so that God could love you. You were made to have a relationship. That’s why you’re here on this earth. God made you to love you.

But there’s a problem. Something went wrong in that relationship. My sin. And your sin. And there were times in my life that I decided I was going to do what I thought was best not what God thought was best. That broke the relationship. Destroyed it.

But God did not leave it at that. He took the initiative and He came to earth in human form, in the person of Jesus Christ, to show us what God was like, to show us how much He loves us, to stretch out His arms on the cross and die for us so that the bridge could be built back to God and that relationship could be restored. That’s incredible, really wonderful, marvelous news.

The Bible tells us in 1 Timothy 2:5 “Jesus Christ is the bridge between God and man.” And in Romans 5:11 “Now we rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done in dying for our sins making us friends of God.” Circle “friends of God.” It is the marvelous truth that God has sent His Son to die for us.

If I were to summarize the Bible in one word, if I were to summarize Christianity in one word I would not use the word “religion”. I would not use “ritual” or “rules”. I would use the word “relationship”. Because that’s what the whole Bible and all of Christianity is about. God wants a relationship with you. As mind blowing as that is, God made you to have a relationship.

One day a man came to Jesus and said, “Lord, what’s the most important commandment?” We all know the Ten Commandments. Jesus didn’t quote any of those. He said, “Let me give you the two most important ones. Love God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength. That’s the first one and number two, Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love God, Love your neighbor. He’s talking about relationship. If you’ve got your relationship with God in order and you’ve got your relationship with other people in order, you are doing what God put you on earth to do.

Life is essentially about relationships. The most important thing in your life is not money, status, success, pleasure, fame. It’s people.

There are two problems. One of them is relationships are very fragile. They can be damaged easily so they have to be cultivated and nurtured. No good relationship happens accidentally. It’s intentional.

The second problem is nobody ever teaches us how to build good relationships. You certainly didn’t learn it in school. So most of us really aren’t that good at it. We just kind of stumble into relationship building.

For the next several weeks we’re going to do a series I’m calling “Building Bridges” and we’re going to look at improving and the relationships in your life. Your relationship with your friends. Your relationship with your spouse or your children or relatives, with your employer, with your employees, with your customers, with your competitors, your enemies. Because if your relationships are messed up, life stinks.

But today I want us to start with your relationship to unbelievers, because I hope you’re going to invite them for the rest of this series. As a believer, what should be my relationship to people who don’t accept Christ the way I do. Look at what the Bible says: 2 Cor. 5:18 “God has restored our relationship with Him through Christ, and He has given to us this ministry of restoring relationships.”

You are given a ministry of restoring relationships. Once you accept Jesus Christ, once you step across the line, you have a new life assignment. You are to become a bridge builder. Every Christian is called to be a bridge builder in life. Every Christian. A Christian, of all people, should be interested in relationships more than anybody else. Once God has restored the relationship to us, He expects us to go restore relationships with other people and help them restore a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. The greatest thing you can do for anybody else is introduce them to Jesus Christ – sealing their eternity, knowing that they’re going to heaven.

We have the greatest news in the world. All my sins can be forgiven, I get a new purpose for living, I get a home in heaven and God becomes my friend. What could be better than that? Name me one thing that is better than that. It’s better than a cure for any disease because it has eternal implications, to know that you’ve helped somebody settle their eternal destiny, there is no greater achievement in life, no greater epitaph than “He/She was a bridge builder for Jesus Christ.” We do have the greatest message in the world. But you have to earn the right to share it. You have to build the bridge. If you just walk up to people that you don’t even know and start talking to them about the Lord most of them are going to go, “What planet did you come from?” You need to earn the right to be heard.

One of the problems of believers, we often forget that most of the people around us are not headed for heaven, they are not the friends of God. They need to hear the good news. So today, in starting this series, I want to give you six principles for building relationships. on how to build a bridge to unbelievers. How do you build a bridge to unbelievers? These six principles will apply to any relationship. They’ll give you a better marriage, parenting, whatever. But I want to talk specifically about how do you build a bridge to that neighbor, that co-worker, that relative, that parent or child, brother or sister, who doesn’t know the Lord? How do you build a bridge of love between your heart and theirs?


1. BE PROACTIVE.

Take the initiative in building friendships with people. Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Don’t wait for them to make the first move. You reach out. One thing that’s for sure: Everyone wants friends, but very few people know how to make them. You go to a party with a whole bunch of strangers there, everybody is desperately wanting to talk to somebody else and everybody’s afraid to make the first move. They don’t know how to reach out. They don’t know how to step out.

The Bible says because you are called to be a bridge builder you are to take the initiative. You make the first move. You reach out to that next door neighbor, that employee, that employer, that coworker. You make the first move in love. Because you care you dare to step out and try to establish a relationship.

Today, many people are afraid of being hurt. They don’t want to be conned. They don’t want to be manipulated. They don’t want to be used. We live in a very skeptical society. In order to build friendships today, you have to meet people more than half way. You have to take the initiative. You have to go more than half way. You go the second mile. And that’s how you earn trust in order to establish relationships.

I saw a sticker: “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” I want somebody to make one that says, “Friends don’t let friends miss heaven.” If you care, you will be proactive. You will take the first step in building relationships to people around you.

God specifically puts people in your life and He puts them there once you’re a believer so you can tell them, so you can invite them to church, so you can talk to them about the Lord, share a word, a cd, a book, whatever. Be proactive.


2. REFUSE TO WEAR A MASK

If you want to build strong relationships with anybody – husband, wife, children, unbelievers – you have to be authentic, honest, open. You have to drop your guard. You have to be real. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians “We can say with confidence and a clear conscience that we have been honest and sincere in all our dealings.” That’s what builds friendships – honesty and sincerity, dropping your mask, being real, being authentic.

I don’t want to shock you but I want to tell you a little secret. Everybody already knows you’re not perfect. I know that’s a complete surprise to you! Everybody around you already knows you’re not perfect. Why pretend? Nobody has it all together. Nobody. I don’t. You don’t. Nobody in this world has it all together. We are all imperfect. Why don’t we quit kidding ourselves and trying to pretend before others. Let it down. Get off the pedestal and be real just like everybody else.

If you are seeking here this morning and you are not a believer yet but you’re considering the claims of Christ, I want to be honest with you and tell you, there is no difference between the believer and the unbeliever in their problems. We have the same problems. The exact same problems. We’re all in the same boat. The difference is, we know where to go to get help. That’s the only difference. We have a new power, a new source of help in our lives.

Refuse to wear a mask and stop covering up. You don’t have to be perfect to build a bridge to people. In fact, being vulnerable is how you do it.


3. IDENTIFY COMMON GROUND

If you want to build a relationship with somebody you have to identify common ground, discover what you have in common. When you’re dealing with trying to help an unbeliever trying to understand God’s love, Paul says in 1 Cor. 9 “Whatever a person is like, I try to find common ground with him so that he will let me tell him about Christ and let Christ save him.”

How do you do that? How do you find what you have in common with that person you’re working with?

Listen. Listen with your heart. You ask a question like, “Tell me about yourself.” And you listen. People in this world are dying to be listened to. Very few people are listeners.

phone company did a study and discovered that the number one word people use in conversations on the phone is the word “I”. We’re not listening, we’re just telling about ourselves.

Experiment: Go out on the street. Find a total stranger. Get that person to talk about themselves for twenty minutes and they’ll think you’re a genius. You don't have to say anything. I learned a long time ago in counseling that I didn’t have to be profound. I just needed to be a good listener. Because people are dying to be listened to. If you’re lonely and you want more friends, you will make more friends in two months getting interested in other people than you will in two years trying to get people interested in you. Get interested in others and you’ll have all the friends you want. You’ve just got to find common ground.

Once you’ve identified that common ground, then you need to use it to build that bridge, to strengthen that relationship, to establish that friendship. If you’re talking with your neighbor who’s an unbeliever and find out he likes football. Take him to a football game or if they like shopping, take them to the fort. If you discover they’re parents and they have problems with their kids, give them a book that you read or a cd that you listened to. Relate on the same level. We all have the same problems. If they like chocolate and you go to tesco, bring them some chocolates. Establish common ground and then you use it.


4. DEMONSTRATE GOD’S LOVE

In order to build a bridge to people, we have to demonstrate God’s love. Ephesians 5:1-2 “Live a life filled with love for others following the example of Christ.” Our goal is to be like Jesus and He served in love and we have to do that too.

1 John 3:17 “Let us stop just saying we love people. Let us really love them and show it by our actions.” The Bible says don’t just say, “I love you.” Show it. Demonstrate it.

How do you do that?

You do it by meeting three of the most essential needs of every individual. Everybody has three basic needs and when you meet these needs you are demonstrating love. Everybody needs acceptance. Everybody needs affirmation. Everybody needs assistance.

First, everybody needs acceptance. You demonstrate love when you accept people just as they are. They don’t have to clean up their life for you to like them, love them, accept them. You accept them just as they are in nonjudgmental love.

You say, “But you don’t understand. The people I work with, or my family members or my relatives, they are so messed up. They’re into this lifestyle or that problem or that habit. How could I?” You need to understand the difference between acceptance and approval. There is a big difference between acceptance and approval. You can accept someone without approving of everything they do.

The model: Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ accepted everybody. He loved everybody before they cleaned up their act. The religious people of Jesus’ day couldn’t stand the fact that He would hang out with un-right people. They called Him “the friend of sinners”. I think Jesus wore that as a badge of honor. I would love to be called that. Jesus hung out with people like the lepers, the prostitutes and He showed them unconditional love. Today, He would be with homosexuals, prostitutes and AIDS victims. I have no doubt about that. Why? Because you can accept people without approving of their lifestyle. You can accept people without agreeing with everything they’re doing. Everybody needs acceptance. If you’re going to build a friendship it starts there.

Then the second thing is by affirming them. Everybody needs emotional support. I have discovered that everybody’s having a tough time. Everybody. Just in different ways. Some emotionally, some financially, some physically, but everybody’s having a tough time. When you are there for your friend, your neighbor, your co-worker in a crisis, in their illness, in the death in their family, in their big disappointment, in their financial problem, in their conflict, when you are there and you just set with them, you are building a bridge. When you affirm them and give them emotional support and you genuinely love them with affirmation, you’re concerned about the hurts, you’re building a bridge.

The Bible says “Bear one another’s burdens.” This is what friendship is all about. A friend is somebody who walks in when everybody else walks out. A friend is someone who will see you through when other people see through you. God says we’re to be affirming of the people around us.

Three, by assisting them is the way you demonstrate genuine love. Everybody needs practical love. Sometimes you can build a bridge to a friend, a neighbor, an acquaintance by offering practical assistance. You help them. You offer to drivel or you offer to baby-sit for them or you take them a meal or you help them clean out something in their back garden, repair something or help them put up their Christmas lights – practical ways of demonstrating genuine love. It is not just words. But it shows you really do care about people.

The Bible says that love is something you do. 1 Thes. 2:8 “Because we loved you, we were happy to share not only God’s good news with you but even our own lives.” That’s demonstrating God’s love. You don’t just share the good news. You share your own life.

I remember one time a foreign student explaining how he came to Christ. He said, “My friend build a bridge of friendship from his heart to mine and Jesus Christ walked across the bridge.” That’s what it means to be a bridge builder. Demonstrate God’s love.


5. GIVE CREDENCE TO THEIR FEELINGS AND THEIR FEARS

The people around you, you need to give credence, give validity to their feelings and fears. You need to realize that when you share the good news or when you invite somebody to church, that when people are resistant or slow about that, the number one reason is fear.

It could be any kind of fear. It could be the fear of “What if I turn into a religious nut? What if I become a fanatic? What if I commit to it and it’s not true? What if it’s too hard and I want to back out? What if I lose all my friends? What if I stop having fun?” All of these misconceptions they have in their mind about a relationship to Christ.

What you need to do is be understanding of that. Sympathetic. Be honest. Say, “I can understand. I had the exact same fears before I stepped across the line, before I gave my life to Christ. I had the exact same fears of what’s going to happen.”

Be patient with people and give God time to act. The Bible tells us in Romans 15:2 “For we must bear the burden of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others.” Be considerate. You don’t push people. You don’t argue anybody into heaven. You love them into heaven.

When you’ve got a little egg with a chick inside of it, there’s two ways to get the chick out of the egg. One way is to take a hammer and smash the egg. But that will probably kill the chick. The other way is to put it in a warm environment and wait.

That’s how you bring people to the love of God. Surround them with the warmth of God’s love, love them, serve them, and sacrifice for them. You be authentic and real about your own problems and say, “I don’t have it all together but Jesus Christ is the answer.” You invite them to church and just love them. Then watch it hatch. You don’t argue people into heaven; you just love them into heaven.

6. EXPECT GOD TO USE YOU.
I need to expect god to use me. You say, “If I get serious about building bridges to unbelievers in 2009, I don't know what to say.” That’s ok. In fact, you probably don’t want some kind of canned speech that sounds like some sales pitch. You don’t really need to know what to say. God will tell you what to say.

Jesus promised this to His disciples in Matthew 10 "Do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say for it will not be you speaking but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.” Have you ever had this happen in your life? Have you ever had the thrill of feeling and knowing that God was speaking through you and you were saying things to somebody and you knew, “I’m not that smart. Where did that come from? I didn’t know I knew that.” You’re amazed. If you’ve never had that happen in your life, had the feeling of God speaking through you to an unbeliever, I pity you. It is the greatest thrill in the world. There is nothing more exciting. There is nothing more challenging. There’s nothing more fulfilling and satisfying than knowing that you are helping a person move from darkness to light, from hell to heaven. You are solidifying their eternal destiny. God is using you. It is the greatest feeling in the world to be able to do that. Once you’ve done it, you are hooked.

How does it happen? You make yourself available. Say, “God, use me. I don’t know what to say but I’m willing to be used by You for the people You’ve put around my life to build a bridge.” Knowing that you’ve helped somebody settle their eternal destiny and knowing they will be eternally grateful to you for building a bridge.

George Gallup just recently took a survey and discovered that 65 million Americans have no church home. But the most amazing thing in that survey that he took was that over fifty percent of the people he surveyed said they were waiting for an invitation. Fifty percent were waiting for an invitation!

Here’s your homework this week:

1. Right now, decide whom you’re going to invite during this relationship series when we talk about families and parenting and friends and work and all your relationships in life. Decide whom you’re going to bring, whom you’re going to invite. If you really care about that person, you will do whatever it takes to get them that invitation. You might start with an apology. You might go to the person like this, “We’ve been friends for two years (or whatever) and I need to apologize to you.” That will get his attention. “I’ve never told you about the most important thing in my life and I need to apologize.” Do you think he’ll be interested? Then you say, “I’ve been going to this church, St John’s, and I found a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. I don’t understand it all, but it sure makes sense what I do know. I would love to tell you about this. Friends don’t keep secrets from friends. And I just need to ask you to forgive me for not telling you about it. I was afraid you’d think I was a nut.” Invite somebody.

2. If you want to get some training in this, “mind the gap” we’re going to do a series on “How to share your faith” in a natural, not a salesman job, but a natural, casual, comfortable way. We’re going to be doing that from the 4th June for three weeks. I encourage you to come on Thursday nights.

What we’re talking about this morning is the most important thing in the world – getting people out of hell, into heaven, with a purpose for living, their sins forgiven and becoming friends with God. There’s nothing more important than that. It has eternal implications. This is the number one task of everything we do here at St Johns. Because everybody needs Jesus.

Why are we doing this? Because I need more work? You’ve got to be kidding! Do I have a death wish and I’m looking for an early grave? Why are we doing this?

Because everybody needs Jesus. And people without Christ go into a Christ-less eternity. This is a fact for me that is almost unbearable. As long as there is one person within driving distance of this church, who does not know that their sins can be forgiven, that they can have a purpose for living, that they have a home in heaven, and that God can be their friend, we are going to keep reaching out. We’re going to keep reaching out at sacrifice and personal expense and inconvenience and all the energy that it takes.

But I can’t do this by myself. It will take all of us together, working together as a symphony to reach this county for Jesus Christ. All of us doing our part. Everybody has to have a role to play. We can’t have any spectators. Everybody has a role to play.

It takes 30 volunteers to pull off the typical service at St John’s. That’s for each service. Children’s workers, welcomers, musicians, tea people, prayer people, sound team, computer crew and on and on in the different ministries. 30 people just to pull off one service!
People are growing in discipleship because of the services here. You meet the Lord right here. And now it’s your turn to step up to the plate and say, “I will help. I will serve. Pray about this, look at this. Will you help make a difference in people’s lives in ’09? Will you let God use you to bring other people into His kingdom. If you are growing in this Church, it’s your turn to make it possible for others.

You never know what God will use to bring somebody into His kingdom. I get a lot of cards and letters all the time. Let me read you some letters that are typical of the ones I get:

Ordinary people, serving as a musician, a welcomer, a children’s helper/worker. People are going to be in heaven because they stepped out and said, “I’m not going to be a spectator. I’m stepping up to the plate. I’m going to be a bridge builder.”

Would you do that? Will you do that in 2009?

The Mercedes commercial that has the president of Mercedes talking about how they did not patent the crash protector in the Mercedes frame because it’s a very crash resistant frame. They didn’t patent it. He said, “Some things are too important not to share.”

The good news of Jesus Christ falls in that category. It is too important not to share. The greatest use of your life is to invest it in that which will outlast it, helping people get into God’s kingdom. What a privilege to affect somebody’s eternity. What a privilege to lead someone to the good news of Christ! There is no finer epitaph for your life that, He/She was a bridge builder for Jesus Christ. Can you imagine the potential impact on Dalkeith if just the people in this one service would say, “In ’09 we are going to be bridge builders and we’re going to look around and see the people that God has placed in our lives are there for a purpose. And He wants us to share and invite and care and love and build bridges so they too might know the good news.”

I end with this question: Will anybody be in heaven because of you? You’re going, but will anybody be in heaven because of you?.

Why don’t you pray the most dangerous prayer. Two words: “Use me.” Say, “God, use me as a bridge builder in 2009. Use me anyway, anytime, anywhere that I might share the great things You’ve done for me with others and help them and change their eternal destiny. In Your name I pray, Amen.”