GETTING TO THE ROOT OF OUR PROBLEM

Building Bridges
Galatians 5:14, 1 Corinthians 13:2
01/06/2009

Last week we began looking at Building Bridges – building bridges of relationships with God and each other. Today I want us to look at Getting to the Root of Our Problem
The Bible makes it very clear that nothing matters more than relationships. Nothing. Your relationship first to God and second, your relationship to other people. Nothing matters more than those things. The great commandment says “Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.” You may not realize though that that verse is so important, that phrase “Love your neighbor as yourself,” God wants you to get it so He repeats it in the Bible not once, not twice, three, four five, six times. But it is found in the Bible nine different times. It’s as if God is writing it in capital letters: “RELATIONSHIPS, that’s what counts.”

If I were to summarize the whole Bible in one word, it would be “Relationship”. God created you for a relationship. Jesus came to earth to make possible a relationship and, with His Spirit in your heart, you can have relationships with others. Relationships are far more important than money, far more important than success, they’re far more important than any accomplishment or achievement you’ll ever do, they’re more important than fame, they’re more important than pleasure. Relationships are more important than prestige or status. In fact, the Bible says that if I am a success in every other area of life except relationships, I am a failure.

Galatians 5:14 “The entire law is summed up in a single command, `Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Paul says, “If I have not love, I’m nothing.” All these other things matter but they don’t matter most and without love they don’t matter at all. They don’t matter at all! You could make forty billion dollars a year like Bill Gates, but if you don’t know how to love your wife, you’re nothing. You could be the prime minister, but if you don’t know how to love your children, and don’t have a real relationship in your life, you’re nothing in God’s eyes. “If I have not love I am nothing.”

We all like to think we’re great at loving people. But many of the times when we think we love, we’re not being loving at all. How do you know if you’re good at loving? Simple. Ask, “Does anybody in the world feel loved by me?” We never ask that question. We always ask the question, “Does anybody love me?” and we spend most of our lives trying to get people to love us, respect us, and value us, to meet our needs. God says, “No, you’ve got it all backwards.” The measure of greatness is, “Does anybody feel loved by me. Am I a loving a person? Not, Do I receive it? But, Do I give it?”

The Bible also teaches us that relationships are never easy because we are all sinners. We’re all imperfect, we’ve all blown it, and we all make mistakes. There are no perfect relationships because there are no perfect people.

Ecclesiastes 7:20 says “There’s no one on the earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” We all are first class sinners. We’ve all blown it. Nobody is perfect. As a result of that, our relationships are imperfect. We long for good relationships. Do we ever! Every human being wants to have meaningful relationships. Every human being has a desire to be fully known and to know others fully, to be understood and to understand. And in our feeble attempts we try to get along, we try to build deep relationships. We try to understand each other. But most of the time it just doesn’t work out.

Donna and I sometimes argue. Sometimes you have a big one and you think, can I ever manage to sort this out? Have you ever felt like that?
That’s frustrating but let me tell you what’s even more frustrating. We still have that kind of misunderstanding today. 5 years later. It happened this last week. We had some silly argument and we were misunderstanding each other and hurting each other.
Do you ever get to the point – does anybody ever get to the point – you so fully understand human behavior and you so understand that person that you understand them completely and you feel for their needs and you always meet their needs completely and therefore there never are any conflicts or arguments? Does that ever happen? If anybody here today has got to that stage in life, I invite you to come up now. You should be preaching the sermon, not me. Do your relationships ever frustrate you? Do you ever get frustrated knowing that they could be better but they’re not? Does it ever frustrate you that you know what your relationships ought to be but they aren’t? Does it ever bother you when you realize the potential of your relationships and you’re nowhere near them?

What makes it worse is we all have this idealized image of what the perfect relationship is, the perfect family is. We all have it in our minds. It’s kind of like… the Waltons, little house on the prairie or the Cunningham family. You know what you think his family meals must be like. Everybody comes to the table with their hair combed. You set down and there’s a perfectly spread meal. And Mr Walton has this big family Bible setting right there on the side of the table. And the kids come in and they’re so polite and sweet and they discuss their days then one of the kids says, “Dad, I have a theological question. I was witnessing to an atheist today and I need you to answer this for me.” And Mr Walton opens his Bible and so wisely and profoundly exposits the truth. Then we have desert together and holds hands and pray and sing Kum Ba Ya. Then we all get tucked into bed and have toast and milk.

Nobody lives that way! Nobody! Ever. They don’t even live that way. Nobody has that perfect, idealized family.

What’s the reality? The reality is there is always two natures inside of you: your new nature as a believer and your old nature which wants to sin – constantly fighting. Galatians 5:17 “The old sinful nature loves to do evil which is just the opposite of what the Holy Spirit wants and the Spirit gives us desires that are opposite to what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other. And your choices are never free from this conflict.” Circle “never free”. As long as you live on earth, which is an imperfect place, you will be never free from the tension of good and evil.

What’s the real problem in our relationships? When you boil it all down, the root of every problem is self-centeredness. It is at the root behind every conflict, behind every argument, behind every relational strain. It is self-centeredness. James 4:1-2 “Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you. You want things but you do not have them so you argue and you fight.” If you want to have great relationships with your friends, with your husband/wife. If you’re a single person and you want to get married, if you want to have great relations, it starts inside you. It doesn’t start with your husband, it doesn’t start with your girlfriend, it doesn’t start with your child or parent. It starts inside you. You need a major realignment of your own motivation. And we’ve got to do some serious work on it this morning. A major realignment of your motivations have to take place if you’re going to have good, healthy, satisfying relationships.

Some of you don’t know what I’ve been doing this past week, assembly, need much thinking time, , I was in my study, studying and I had the most profound thought I could possibly think of. This was a thought that was going to change the world. I knew it was going to help these pastors. I knew it was going to make a major difference in the lives of thousands of churches. At that very moment I was having that thought, my wife came in downstairs, she’d just been out shopping and she called up and said, “Honey? Could you come down and help bring in the shopping?”

I was a little ticked! I had this profound thought I was working on. For the life of me, I can’t think of what it is now! But I know it must have been really good. And I was a little irritated. I was thinking, “If she only knew how important this is, what I’m working on. If she only knew the significance, how much of a difference it’s going to make in the lives of thousands of people, would she be asking me to do such a menial task as come get the shopping? Why ask me at this moment? If she knew, she would be meeting my needs.”

That’s really what I thought. But being a mature Christian (at least I thought) I said, “Ok, I’ll be right down.” And I went downstairs and I, with a cheerful attitude – I was not grumpy – I said, “Honey, you went and got the shopping, I’ll bring them all in.” There was like 20 bags. “I’ll bring them all in. You just go and relax.” I brought them all in with a cheerful attitude.

Do you know how I felt after I did that? I felt noble! “Keith, you are some guy! You’re not just a good preacher and pastor, but you stop it all and you come down and help your wife bring in the shopping.” I was having the grandest time patting myself on the back. And I was feeling noble.

Do you know what another word for “noble” is? “Self-centered”. At that moment I was sinning.

Can you do the right thing with the wrong reason? Absolutely. Can you even do good things with a selfish motive? Absolutely.

We have a game we play at our house in the Mack family – who’s going to put the toilet paper on the toilet paper ring? The game is to see who can go the longest without putting it on. It’s like a natural aversion in our house. You can get out new rolls but you cannot put them on the little spindle. They go on the back of the toilet, on the floor, on the seat – anywhere. This last week, I checked every bathroom. They all needed new toilet paper rolls. So I put them all on. Do you want to know how I felt? I felt noble!

Folks, self-centeredness stains everything we do. Even when we’re doing good stuff, we’re going, “Boy! You’re good. You are being a servant right now. You are being unselfish.” You can’t even be humble without getting proud about it. It’s like the guy who said, “Get my new best seller Humility and How to Get It. It’s great!”

Every area of our lives is stained with self-centeredness. It is not my nature to think of you. Not one of you was staying up late this last week worrying about my problems. Not one of you. You weren’t worrying about my needs. You weren’t even thinking about my needs. You were thinking about your needs. It is human nature to think only of ourselves. It is unnatural for us to think of other people. It is my nature to be selfish and self centered and it’s yours too. And if you don’t think that, you’re kidding yourself. Because you think about you more than you think about anything else in the world. “How do I look? How do I talk? How do I appear? What is my image? Did I do the right thing? Am I cool? Do people like me? Am I rejected? Am I accepted?” You think about yourself all the time. Even people that you supposedly love you still think about yourself first. That’s why you have arguments with them.

The root of every problem is self-centeredness. Secretly we think we’re pretty good if our outward behavior conforms to accepted standards. We do the right thing and even put on a smiley face and appear like we like doing it. But that’s not enough. God looks at your heart.

Jesus told the Pharisees, “You guys look great on the outside. But inside, you’re a mess. Outwardly you’ve got this white washed look that looks so great but inside you’re like a tomb full of dead carcasses that are rotting. You stink.” He told the Pharisees, “You know what you guys do? You wash the bowl and the cup on the outside but the inside is still filthy.” What good would a dishwasher be that only washed the outside of the dish? Worthless. You may be able to clean up your behavior so you look respectable in society but inside there’s still a core of self-centeredness that stains everything you do and everything that I do.

Jesus said this in Matthew 15:18 “The things that come out of the mouth come from the heart and these make a man unclean.” It’s not outward behavior that makes you unclean; it’s the stuff that comes out of your heart. The Bible says that the heart of the problem is a problem of the heart. That’s your root problem. The problem isn’t your tongue. You may have a sarcastic tongue, a sharp tongue, an angry tongue, a filthy tongue, a defensive tongue, a boasting tongue. But all that is doing is revealing what’s in your heart. A judgmental tongue is evidence of a guilty heart. An overactive tongue is evidence of an unsettled heart. A boasting tongue is evidence of an insecure heart. A bitter tongue is evidence of a resentful heart. A biting tongue is evidence of an angry heart. It’s what’s inside – your heart is given away by what you say. Your mouth betrays what you’re really like.

You say, “When I said that I just said it in anger. That’s not really me. I don’t know why I said that. That’s not like me. I just said it in anger. That’s not me.”

Oh, yes it is! It is exactly you. Because in your anger the mask and the layers are pulled away and your real heart is revealed in your anger. And what’s really inside of you comes out when you get ticked. Have you ever noticed how quick your mood can change when somebody challenges your selfishness? When somebody says, “Drop what you’re doing and come bring in the shopping,” how quickly your mood can change? Because what’s in the heart is going to come out. It’s like a toothpaste tube, when you put pressure on it what is inside is going to come out.

The Bible is very specific about how selfishness expresses itself. In Galatians 5:19-21 it says this. It lists fifteen works of selfishness, fifteen works of the flesh: “The wrong things the sinful self does are clear: being sexually unfaithful [Did you know that infidelity is the ultimate expression of self-centeredness? “I don't care what happens to anybody else. I’m doing what pleases me.”] hating, making trouble, being jealous, being angry, being selfish, making people angry with each other, causing divisions among people, feeling envy, being drunk and doing other things like these” These are expressions of self-centeredness.

Self-centeredness is so, so destructive. It destroys homes. We see that with the rising divorce rate. How many homes have been destroyed by self-centeredness? It destroys little children. It destroys marriages. It destroys friendships that have gone on for 20, 30 years and then somebody does a self-centered act and bam! It’s over. Self-centeredness destroys churches. It destroys communities. It can even destroy nations. And we’re seeing the decline of this nation right now that is consumed with self-centeredness. What’s in it for me? I couldn’t care less what happens to anybody else. What’s in it for me?

The Bible warns us over and over about the danger of self-centeredness. Galatians 5:15-16 “If you keep on biting and devouring each other [what a word picture!] watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful or the selfish nature.”

If you don’t get anything else I want you to get this. This is the primary truth I want you to understand: The primary task of life is learning to be unselfish. That is it! The primary task of life is learning to be unselfish. Jesus is the ultimate example of unselfishness. He gave Himself sacrificially – unselfishly. God wants you to become like Christ. He wants you to learn to be unselfish. If you don’t learn that lesson in life – you may learn all kinds of other things in life, but if you don’t learn to be unselfish,You failed! You failed life! Because you were put here to learn to be unselfish. To learn to be like Christ.

The issue then becomes, how do I do it? How do I learn to be other-centered instead of self- centered? It’s certainly not my nature. It’s not natural for me to be that way. How can I be unselfish more and less selfish. How can I live in the Spirit so I won’t fulfill selfish desires? I have to face up to a couple of things and I have to focus on a couple of other things and I have to follow something if I’m going to learn to be other-centered. We’re gong to look at that this morning and take communion to illustrate it.

How can I become more other-centered?

Before I tell you what to do, let me tell you one way that doesn’t work,. One way that doesn’t work is it’s not just a matter of trying harder. We all know instinctively that doesn’t work (“I’m just going to try to love people more.”) Someone said “Can’t we all just get along together?” Come on’ people now! Smile on your brother. Everybody get together. Try to love one another right now! People all over the world join hands, get on the love train! Try a little kindness!

Great songs! Lousy theology! Doesn’t work. It doesn’t work. It takes more than human effort. Some of you would say, “I’ve tried to love my husband for twenty years. I’ve tried for 25 years to make this marriage work. We’re no closer now than we were 25 years ago. We’re still distant. It’s very rare that our souls ever bond together in this relationship. Two people living separate lives in the same home. I’ve tried,” you say. It takes more than trying. If the best I could give you was to stand up here and say, “Let’s all just try to be more loving,” next week we’d come back together and we’d be more frustrated, more discouraged, and more aloof from God. Because legalism makes a barrier between God and you. It doesn’t bring us to Him. Human effort is a part of what I’m going to talk about. But you need to understand that your problem is much deeper than trying harder.

Today, we’re going to have to do some serious spiritual surgery on you. Because trying is not enough. I have to face up to a couple of things. I have to focus on a couple of things and I have to follow something.

If I want to become more other centered …

1. I HAVE TO FACE UP TO MY SINFUL NATURE.

That’s the starting point – to fully and freely admit how selfish I really am most of the time. I’m so selfish; I don’t even realize it most of the time. I don’t even realize it when I’m being selfish. It’s so natural to me. But the Bible says I have to admit it. 1 John 1:8 says “If we claim to be without sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” You’re not deceiving God, obviously. You’re not even deceiving other people. They know you’re not perfect. You’re just trying to fool yourself. You’re living in a self-imposed deception, if you don’t think that everything in your life is stained by self-centeredness because it is. Even the good things that you do, you’ve got a personal motivation behind them.

If you want better relationships, then you’re going to have to ask God for a deeper awareness of your own self-centeredness more than you’ve ever seen before. You need to pray and say, “God, help me this next week to see how self-centeredness stains every area of my life.” Everything that I do. Even the good things. Help me to be more aware, because I’m not aware of it. I’m just naturally thinking of me all the time. Not you. I don’t think about you. I’m thinking about me. So I need to get the antenna up and my spiritual sensitivity tuned and say, “God, help me to be aware how much my own self-centeredness enters into the things I do, the things I say, the things I feel, the way that I interact and react to other people in circumstances.” A good prayer to pray is Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God and know my heart Try me and know my thoughts. See if there be any wicked way in me. Lead me in the way everlasting.” God, show me how much I think about me! Help me to be aware of that.

2. I HAVE TO FACE UP TO MY DISAPPOINTMENTS IN LIFE

To my major disappointments in life – the ways that I’ve been hurt. What does that have to do with self-centeredness? A lot. You can’t deal with self-centeredness without dealing with disappointments. Jesus never sugar coated anything. He always told the truth. He always told it like it is. He was always straight forward, cut to the chase, never beat around the bush. Jesus tells very clearly that we live in an imperfect world. In John 16:33 He says “In the world you will have trouble.” Not “might” – you will have trouble. Why? Because this is an imperfect world. Life is not fair. Nobody ever said it was. God never said it was fair. It is not heaven. If you want to read about this, read the book Ecclesiastes. Jesus said “In the world, you will have trouble.” He could have said, “In the world you will have disappointment.”

I want you today to be gut-level honest about the disappointments you’ve had in life. I want you to think about them for just a minute. This is the way to grow. You’ve got to face it in order to deal with it. Sometimes I think we’re afraid of disappointments. Life is not at all what you expected it to be. I don’t know of anything that sets us up for greater disappointment than a wedding. The unrealistic expectations and attitudes that a new bride or groom, a couple engaged, expect to have. Imagine what you go through the six months prior to a wedding and the set up and the amount of attention that is put into this one event – after this date everything is going to be ultimate bliss! And it’s not. And it’s a major letdown.

Some of you were profoundly disappointed in your husband or your wife. And you haven’t even wanted to face that. Some of you are profoundly disappointed in a child. She didn’t turn out the way you thought she was going to turn out. He didn’t turn out the way you thought he was going to be. They don’t look perfect. They don’t act perfect. They don’t have perfect intelligence. They’re not the straight A, top of the class, and captain of the football team that says “Give me glory because I’m the parent of this special child!” And you’re disappointed. You try to hide it but your kids know it because they can sense it.

Some of you are deeply disappointed in a parent. Or you may even be ashamed. “Why couldn’t I have parents like……………? They’re so sophisticated! They’re so fantastic. They’re so loving and smart and people like to go to their home. My mom and dad are hicks! They’re lazy, a bit thick. They’re drunks. They’re abusive. They’re mentally unstable. They’re poor.” And you’re disappointed in them.

You had some friends who disappointed you. I want you to face up today to those disappointments in your life, that you’ve kept back there hiding under the surface. Life is disappointing! It is not a perfect world and it isn’t always fair.

So why should I face up to my disappointments? A couple of reasons.

In the first place, when you face up to your disappointment, when you really, really face it, you discover the root of it. What is the root of disappointment? You’re expecting other people to meet needs that only God can meet. When you expect anybody to meet all your needs, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. When you expect them to always treat you kindly, always treat you unconditionally with love, always value what you’ve done, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. To always please you, to always meet your needs… then you have the nerve to think, “How dare you not meet my needs! I married you. I’m a part of your family. How dare you not meet my needs!”

What is that at its root? Self-centeredness. That is what is behind your disappointment. “I deserve better than this! I don’t deserve you; I deserve somebody better than you in my life. Because I’m better than you.” What is that? Self-centeredness. As long as you look to other people to meet your needs, you’re going to be disappointed. Disappointment is saying, “You let me down!” I’m not thinking about your needs. When my kids don’t measure up, I’m not thinking about how they hurt, how they’re offended, how they’re lonely, grieving. I’m thinking how they make me look. Self-centeredness.

The other reason why you need to face up to your disappointment is because, until you deal with your disappointment, you will always use your disappointments and your hurts as an excuse to justify your own selfishness. “I have a right to do this because they hurt me! The world owes it to me!” We see this all the time – “I have a right to go rob this building because I was born into depressed economic circumstances”

No you don’t. There’s no excuse for selfishness. No excuse for self-centeredness no matter how much you’ve been hurt. No. Never. It’s never justified. What we do is get a little scale in mind and say, “I know I did this, but you did this to me…” I will always make sure that your scale has more on it so I can justify my being selfish.

“If you knew my pain, you’d know why I’m this way.” I don’t know your pain. Nobody knows your pain except Jesus. But I do know selfishness is never excusable. “If you just understood just how much I hurt.” I am in no way minimizing your pain, belittling it, negating it at all. Some of you have had massive heartache, massive pain, major hurts, and life foundational shaking hurts, hurts that no human being should ever have to deal with. Heartbreaking, gut wrenching, life stabbing and jabbing hurts and you’ve had those hurts and I’m sorry. I really am. And God hurts with you. And Jesus sees your hurt. He understands your hurt. He knows the hurt. He can help you with the hurt and He can heal that hurt. But there is an issue that is far more damaging to your soul than anything anybody else can ever have done – even abuse. It’s something far more damaging to your soul because this one can keep you out of heaven. It’s self-centeredness. And Jesus does want to help you with your suffering, but more than that, He wants to help you with your sin.

When you are self-centered, you become just like the person who hurt you. Because when they hurt you, they were expressing self-centeredness. And just because they were self-centered, does not justify you doing the same. You’re killing yourself. Some of you say, “I’ve had this problem for years and years. Why am I not getting any better? Why am I not getting healed? Why am I not feeling better?” Because you are holding on to self-centered attitudes that keep you stuck in the pain. That’s why you have to let go. To let go. You have to forgive. You have to release them. You’ve got to face up to your own sinful nature and your own disappointments.

Then you have to shift the focus. Focus on two other things. When I say this first one you’re going to say, “Where is that coming from?” but if you want to be an unselfish, an unself-centered person, you must learn to…


3. FOCUS MORE ON THE HOPE OF HEAVEN

The hope of heaven? How in the world does that relate? I’ll tell you how it relates. Selfishness is always rooted in Here and Now thinking. It is the fruit of Here and Now thinking. When I think all that matters is here and now and never think about eternity, I tend to be more self-centered. When I forget that this is just the warm up act, that this is the nursery – I’m going to live 60, 70, 80 years on this side of eternity. But on that side of death, I will live for billions and billions of years. This is the warm up act before the big event. This is dress rehearsal. This is the preschool room before stepping up.

If I don’t realize that there’s more to life than here and now, I’m going to be as selfish as I can, to get all I can out of here and now. If I think the only pleasure I’m going to get in life is the pleasure right here, I’m going to go for it! I’m going to go for the gusto because you only go around once in life! I’m going to feel it all, have it all, enjoy it all! If there is no heaven and if there is no hell, then there are no consequences. And if there are no consequences, do whatever you want to do. Get drunk every night. Shoot up do speed. Snort coke. Go get a half-dozen bimbos and go to Bermuda. Mess around, be unfaithful as much as you want to. Use people all you want. Do them up, spit them out and go get somebody new. If there is no heaven, if there is no hell, make the most of it now. Live for yourself. Be selfish! Live for your own pleasure. Don’t care what anybody else thinks. Take advantage of people because it doesn’t matter, if there’s no heaven or no hell. If I think that the only applause I’m ever going to get is on this earth, the only approval, the only affirmation, the only recognition is right here, you can better believe that I’m going to scratch and claw my way to the top and I’m going to climb over everybody that I can so that my picture gets on that cover, my award goes on my shelf. Everybody bows down to me and say, “Oh, how great and wonderful you are.” I’m going to do everything I can to build up my status and my position and my fame. I want everybody to think, “Wow! You’re great.” Because if that’s all there is, I’m going to get as much of it as I can.

On the other hand, there is a heaven and there is a hell. And that changes the equation dramatically. Because all of a sudden, if I remember that God has built an eternal home for me in heaven as I trust Him in Christ, and that He has promised to reward every secret unselfish act that I do, whether anybody else sees it or not or I get credit for it or not, He’s going to see it and I’m living for an audience of one and I realize that one day I’m going to share with God in His glory in eternity for billions and billions of years, is that going to change the way I act on this earth? All of a sudden, I don’t care if I get the award or not. It will only last twenty years. I don’t care if other people like me or reject me. I don’t care if I’m not famous. I don’t care if I’m not first in the class. I don’t care because my self-worth is not dependent upon what the world thinks of me. It’s based on what God thinks of me. That’s what matters because that’s what’s going to matter for eternity.

People! Wake up! There’s more to life than just here and now. And when you live in the attitude that all that matters is right now – that I’m happy now, that I have pleasure now, that I have possessions now, that I have popularity now, that I have power now, that I have fame now – you are going to live as a selfish little clod.

But when I realize the hope of heaven, then it changes my priorities and my perspectives.

Have you ever wondered why life is so tough? It is. Life is tough! Why didn’t God make it easier? Because He puts in our heart a longing for a perfect place. Heaven. If everything were perfect here, who’d want to leave? This is not the perfect place. This is earth. And instinctively we know that there’s got to be something more than this. There’s got to be more than just get up in the morning, make money, retire and die. Surely! We were made for something more than this. We were made for heaven. That’s why there is a universal desire and longing in the heart of every human being whether they are Christian or not, there’s the universal desire around the world for immortality. Why? Because we were made for heaven.

“We look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever. For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down – when we de and leave these bodies – we will have a home in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God Himself and not by human hands.” The strongest antidote to self-centered living is to live in light of eternity.

When I understand that, it changes the way I live. In Matthew 25 at that judgment, it says “I was hungry and you fed Me, I was thirsty and you gave Me drink, I was naked and you clothed Me, I was sick and in prison and you visited Me.” Jesus is saying in that passage that the one thing we’ll be judged for at that judgment is how we treated other people. I focus on the hope of heaven.

The other thing I need to focus on to be less self-centered is…


4. FOCUS MORE ON GOD’S GRACE TO ME.

God’s grace to me. When you really do come face to face someday with your own sinfulness and how pervasive it is in your personality, to think of yourself first and when you come to face with your massive disappointments, you know what’s going to happen? You’re going to start getting discouraged. You start getting down and discouraged because you realize everything you do, even the good things are stained with self-motivation. You start to get depressed.

When you face your sin and when you face your disappointments, don’t let it depress you. Let it drive you to the magnificent grace of God. Because every time you sin, God forgives. That is unbelievable. The grace of God. Where sin abounds, grace more abounds. Bad news/Good news. Bad news: Everything you do is stained with sin. Good news: Everything you do is forgiven by God. Then I can relax! Rather than feeling down because I’m self-centered I need to say, “God! What a great God You are. Jesus, what a wonder You are that You would save somebody like me!” When you blow it, you call out to God like David did in Psalm 51 after he committed adultery “Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your unfailing love. [circle “unfailing”] According to Your great compassion blot out my transgressions.”

Bad news: I’m always blowing it. Good news: God is always forgiving me. Where sin increases, grace increases. How is that possible? Because of what Jesus did on the cross.

Colossians 2;14 “God canceled our debt [it was paid for by Jesus] which listed all the rules we failed to follow. He took away that record with its rules and nailed it to the cross.” This is such an important act that Jesus wants us to remember how much it costs to pay for all your sins. Today as we share this, I want you like never before to realize the depth of your own selfishness and the depth of God’s grace to cover it so you’re completely forgiven.

Jesus paid for the penalty of sin. He broke the power of sin in your life. What does that mean? He now puts His Spirit inside of you when you open your heart to Him and that gives you the power to do things you’ve never been able to do – for instance, stop being unselfish. There is no way you can be unselfish on your own power. But God will give you that power.

There’s a verse in the Bible. 1 Corinthians 10:13 “ Every time you are tempted, God will promise to make a way out. There’s no temptation taken you but such that is common to man but God is faithful who will, with the temptation, make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it.”

Every time this next week you’re in a conversation and you’re tempted to be self-centered, to boast about yourself, defend yourself, to put down the other person, to go after your needs instead of theirs, it’s a test, a temptation. The question is, you have at that moment a choice to make, a split second choice in your mind before you say those words but it’s going to effect eternity. The question is, “Am I going to say or think or do what I naturally feel is right to do selfishly or am I going to listen to the Holy Spirit who is whispering in my ear this moment the right thing t do?” That’s why the last step is…


5. FOLLOW THE SPIRIT’S LEADING.

Remember the verse “Live by the Spirit and you won’t gratify the desires of selfish, sinful nature.” It doesn’t say you won’t have those desires. You’ll have them the rest of your life. That desire to do the thing for you. It doesn’t say you won’t be tempted. It just says you won’t fulfill them, you won’t gratify them. Now you have the power to say no to selfishness. My inclination is so ingrained to think of myself, it takes supernatural power to break its grip.

“We get our new Life from the Spirit, so we should follow the Spirit. We must not be proud or make trouble with each other or be jealous.” What’s the result for when I follow the Spirit in my life? The Spirit produces these things, the nine fruit of the Spirit: love and joy, peace and patience, kindness and goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Do you think your relationships would be any different if you had those in them? Compare that to the list of the works of the flesh which says when I’m living selfishly, I’m hating, making trouble, being jealous, getting angry, getting selfish, making people angry with each other, causing division, feeling envy. Two questions: Which of those two lists describe your relationships most of the time? The fruit of the Spirit or the work of the flesh? Question number two: Which one do you want to represent your life? The fruit of the Spirit or the work of selfishness?

You can have the fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience… you can build relationships of those things. But there’s only one little problem. You need a new heart. It’s not going to be, “I’m just going to try harder.” You need a new heart. Because out of the heart comes all those things. The good news is that God specializes in heart transplants.

Prayer:

You want a new heart? You want to be different? Stop being so self centered? You want to be more than just a selfish little clod living for yourself? Pray this prayer: “Dear Jesus Christ, I need a new heart. I need You to replace my selfish heart with Your loving unselfish heart. I need You in my life. Today, I have realized how self-centeredness stains every area of my life. I’m trying to face up to my disappointments. I’m going to stop using them for making excuses for my own behavior, the hurts that I’ve had, because I want to get well. I want to focus more on the hope of heaven that I realize there’s more than just here and now. I want to focus on Your grace to me. And I want of follow Your Spirit’s leading. Give me that new heart. In Your name I pray. Amen.”